When we moved to our house a few months ago I needed to acquire a desk. I had a look around for second hand ones but nothing came up that I wanted or wasn’t a ridiculously long drive away, so after a month of looking I decided that I couldn’t wait any longer (as I needed a desk to work on) and so went to IKEA.

As I was putting together my lovely new desk I got to a point where the thingy had to be put in the whatsit, but it really didn’t want to fit. So I just pushed it harder. And then, begrudgingly, it did eventually fit. But then I reliased that it wasn’t actually meant to go there, and I had to remove the thingy that I had managed to jam into the whatsit pretty firmly. Silly, Miss Best! Double silly Miss Best as this happened twice. It was only after the second time that I realised that I had accidentally skipped 2 pages of the instruction leaflet. Figuring this out made it much somewhat easier to get things into place as they should.

But while I sat there on the floor, surrounded by bits and bobs, and tools and packaging, I couldn’t help but compare my little flat-pack project to a bigger project called Life. It reminded me of a time in my life when I thought I wanted something. I had to struggle really hard to get it, and obviously when I did get it, it did not make me content as it wasn’t the life for the real, authentic me. And so I had to deconstruct my life, and start from scratch. That was during my twenties, and now I am 32 and finally feel that I am beginning to live the life I want and need, but I do feel like I have missed 2 pages in the instruction leaflet.

I was brought up with a slightly mainstream attitude to education, work and life, and it took me many years to figure out that mainstream life wasn’t for me. I know that part of life is the journey, but I do almost wish that I had been saved those non-authentic years so that I could have more joyful living behind me. Of course, I can console myself by saying that if we don’t have those painful times to compare with, we don’t appreciate the good times as much.

I am, however, hugely consoled and inspired by young people who can see that their lives lie along a less ordinary path and have the courage to follow it. I recall reading about a teenager who had been home educated and instead of sitting GCSEs (the exams that are sat in the UK around the age of 16) she chose to follow her joy and studied to become a massage therapist. So while her peers were stressing about exams, university, jobs, she already had the skills to earn money doing something she loved. Fabulous! And of course she is free to sit exams, and go to university should she change her mind. But she (and her parents) could see that there is not just one way and that we are all different.

So let’s not pass on our fear of being ‘different’ to the next generations. Let’s encourage them to develop themselves in the areas they really enjoy. Oh, and if any of them end up making instruction leaflets for IKEA, please ask them to design them so that the pages don’t stick together so easily!

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This is a bonus blog. Wohooo! I usually only put up one post once a week, as that seems to fit my life at the moment, but for a person like me – who, when packing a small suitcase, spends far too long trying to decide what to take – ‘what if it’s cold’? or ‘what if I need this or that?’ – it’s not easy to decide which passage of thought to post.

I mean there is so much to write about! I want to write about funny incidents, or something that has helped my growth, or something I love and want to recommend, or something I am extremely grateful for.

Sometimes having so much choice and having to edit one’s own life can be daunting, It can paralyze us. We may think ‘How will I know I have made the right choice and be satisfied with it?’

A good example of this is toast. Yep toast. Roasted bread. I rarely eat toast -or bread for that matter- but I just love it. To me, a meal of tea and toast is just so amazingly comforting, tasty and cozy. But I can’t say I feel full of vitality afterwards. So I consider what many people have every day for breakfast to be a real treat. But the problem is this: what to have on my toast? There are too many choices. The options are endless. Do I go savoury: Marmite and tahini? Vegan cheese and tomato? Dairy free sour cream and vegan caviar? Avocado and salad? Or perhaps I fancy something sweet: Jam? Banana and maple syrup? Chocolate spread? Or what about a mix? Peanut butter and agave syrup? Or perhaps just plain old vegan (margarine) spread?

And because I can’t possibly eat a piece of toast for every option I fancy (without feeling bloated and really rather ‘blurgh’) then it puts the pressure on that sacred piece of toast. What if it doesn’t quite ‘hit the spot’? What if I choose salt but I wanted sweet? Arrgh…Toast Trauma!

So, what’s the answer? Choose one topping and be grateful for it? Go hungry? Choose something else with less attachment to it, but with the risk of missing out on yummy joy or satisfaction to avoid disappointment? Choose something that is better for your health?

When it comes down to it I usually skip the toast and have a bowl of fruit salad instead. The bowl of fruit has far less pressure on it than that poor piece of toast! But today I had both – well metaphorically speaking. Today I posted one blog and now I am complimenting that blog with a blog about blog decision angst. And the best thing is that I don’t feel bloated or wont charged for excess baggage. Sweeeeeeet! (or do I mean savoury?)

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A few weeks ago I shared with you the tale of our blocked toilet. If you have not yet read this piece of life-altering material than you can find it here.

The blockage is now thankfully clear but shortly after we had fixed the problem an emotional block that I was experiencing cleared too. I have read that emotional issues can be manifested in seemingly unrelated physical occurrences. For example your front door may be difficult to open, representing a problem that you have with ‘letting people in’ and making yourself vulnerable and open to other people. I am wondering if this is what had happened to me.

About the time that our toilet problem started to occur (which was several weeks before it became completely apparent) I had come up against some problems of a technical and practical nature in the setting up of my venture www.miss-best.com . It was a bit of a stinker at first (much like the first signs of our toilet issue) but I didn’t think it was going to be much of a problem. Well, it needn’t have been if I had just gotten on and tried to resolve it as soon as possible, but I sort of sat on it for a while (the problem, not the toilet!). I knew it would have to be dealt with eventually, but the more days that passed, the more of a block it had mentally created for me until about the time of the peak of the toilet blockage when I really felt I had ground to a halt. This had prompted me to question my ideas, my ability, commitment and enthusiasm to a point that it made me want to give up on the whole idea and go and work for McDonalds. Well, not really…I would never be that desperate. I would rather work as a go-go dancer than for that company. That place is the antithesis of my planned venture. I am hoping to inspire people to live a joyful and fulfilled life and to reach good health. I hope to promote earth, animal, body and soul friendly food and to choose respect over profit.

Anyway, having almost giving up on my planned projects, one can say it left me with a sense of lacking purpose. But it took me a while to figure that out, and in the meantime I was going around with a confused question mark above my head. I knew something was up, so I decided to award myself a ‘free day’ to try and heal and figure out what was going on. So, on that day, instead of plowing on lovelessly with practical things, I stayed in bed.

I woke up without an alarm clock, trotted downstairs and made myself a yummy and healthy breakfast and a big pot of tea, and went back to bed where I allowed my thoughts to wonder freely as I stared at the ceiling, propped against a comfy cushion with a pile of books and notepads at my side. I wasn’t cured of my blockage immediately, but it treated my inner self to a restful day. A day that I prize more than a stay at a 5 star spa. (Why do we only allow ourselves to linger in bed when we are ill and not able to enjoy the experience as fully as we would do were we not coughing and sneezing or nursing a pounding head? It really is such a restorative and healing thing to do for ourselves – you should ask for a day in bed for your next birthday/anniversary/Mother’s day present. Find a nice distraction/minder for your little ones, turn off the phone, resist plugging in online, make a pot of tea/jug of juice or smoothie and just delight in your duvet enshrined paradise.)

But a couple of days ago, for no apparent reason, I felt inside of me an unblockage (and not in the bowel department either!) I suddenly saw my projects with rested eyes, and realised the potential that I have to create the life that I want to lead.

Since then I have resolved the initial problem that initiated this little diversion of mine which then opened up a new phase in my start-up plan. The seeds that I had sown have started to grow a little. Well, you can after all grow pretty flowers from a pile of shit. There I go again, I think I am getting a bit obsessed with toilets. Wonder what that is a sign of?

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